What is your Breakup story?
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It’s been an year since we broke up and I remember each and every moment I went through in this one year and how I am coping up with it. Break up and heeling is a process and there are no first things. It's a journey, which brings a shift in ones life. I am just sharing my own experiences. There would be no first things or what all things I did post breakup but it has been an experience, which brought immense change in me and which still is bringing a change as I write this post, this is the first time I am sharing what I went through and what I am going through in this journey of change.
Photo Credit :- istockphoto
Photo Credit :- istockphoto
We did our MBA together and half way through our MBA we fell for each other, it started with a sweet friendship and at that time she was already in a relationship and then over the period of time we came closer and closer to each other and she broke up with her boyfriend at that time. (Don't hate me yet, I'll get my piece of Karma by the end). We started to bond really well and I shared each and everything with her and planned my whole life around her. It was the placements season in the college and she was my motivation to get myself placed and I got a second highest package from the batch and credit goes to her. We developed our relationship over the period of time, saw many ups and downs, but still there were times I found her in touch with her old boyfriend but every time I trusted her, Even today I still like to believe that she was always truthful to me and always with a small argument, we used to get back together and this happened 3–4 times. She always came back. Time went by and MBA got over, I wanted to see her grow in her career. I always wanted a girl, who is independent and thus I helped her get a job in my company. Things were pretty much normal and everything was perfect, yes we used to have small fights but it is all part of the process. There were occasions I used to be a total Jerk, sometimes I couldn't give her time. Sometimes I said things that would hurt her but still deep down I was in a deepest love with her. I couldn't imagine myself without her. She also used to care about me so much. She used to be very particular about my health, my lifestyle, my appearance and always pushed me for a healthy lifestyle, most of the time I tried hard but couldn't meet her expectations. I don't come with a very financially abundant family and the thing I loved about her was she never cared about my background. She always supported me. As we were ageing and she started to get pressure from her family to get married and now the problem was that she belonged to a pundit family and I was from a Punjabi and initially her family was not OK for Punjabi Family for her and other thing was that I am very thin and underweight and with below average looks. I always used to wonder what she is doing with me. Every Tuesday I used to go to temple and thank God that I was blessed with greatest happiness that such a nice and pretty girl chose to be with me.
Now one day we decided that we would go ahead and tell our families and there was only one secret I didn't tell her that my father is a step father and I always had ups and downs with him. She got upset for sometime but again accepted me and her place in my heart went even deeper after this.
Photo Credit :- istockphoto
Photo Credit :- istockphoto
Photo Credit :- istockphoto
Photo Credit :- istockphoto
Photo Credit :- istockphoto
Now one day she told me that her father wanted to meet me and I went there and it was a small half an hour meeting with only me, her and her parents. I got a little bit of vibe that they still wanted her to marry in their own caste but still as she was rigid to marry me, they agreed. I told my family and they jumped with joy and said yes without even looking at her pic, but as she was from a joint family with some old beliefs, her parents, uncles came to my home twice before saying yes. But with the families getting involved, our relationship went through some stressful times. We had few big fights and one morning I came back after playing squash, we had one fight and I shouted very badly at her after which she called her Dad to end everything and her Dad without thinking twice called up my mom and it was the end(It didn't end though). So, with families egos coming in, it was almost impossible now. I had a habit of over reacting momentarily and she used to get angry very quickly and share everything with her parents. She was very pissed off and blocked me from everywhere, but i didn't give in. I used to go to her office building every evening and used to sit for hours waiting for her to come. I apologized a lot but she was not ready to listen to me. One day she came to meet me after 4 days of me visiting her office daily and she came and started cursing me and then I saw a hate for me in her eyes and at that moment I gave up and I thought now with her eyes hating me I would not be able to win her back, I lost her at that moment. I came back home and it was all over. I didn't speak to anyone for 2 weeks. I told my parents that I went to Kolkata because they were too worried about me but I wanted my time to regain strength. It was very difficult time. Then after a month of pain and difficult time, i wanted some time off for myself and I went for a motorcycle trip to Spiti for 10 days. I knew I lost her, I came back from Spiti and joined back my office and one fine evening I was going back to my flat and I got a call from her mom and she asked me my date of birth and it was very wierd that after 30–40 days I got a call not even from her but her mom and she asked only my date of birth, I couldn't sleep that night. Next day I got a text from her and she wanted to meet but now with so much pain through which I went through, I declined to meet her and one morning she came to my flat and I was caught by surprise, she cried, she slapped me 5 times and told me she wanted me back and we both cried for hours hugging each other and promised each other to stay together no matter what. Now her mom called my mom and asked that they should initiate our discussion once again. Days went by and we became normal again. Now her family was in a bit of hurry as her brother in US got divorced and her father had to travel to 3–4 months to stay with him but before going he wanted us to be engaged . Again we were back to normal, there used to be some fights but she getting angry always to an extent that she used to share those fights with her parents and with negativity of her brother getting divorced used to make her parents tensed about our relationship but finally we overcame everything and we got engaged (Roka) and I was so happy and told everybody that this was the best thing which has happened to me in my life.
It was one week past our engagement we were so happy.
Last day of happiness and darkest night:Her mom asked me to come over one weekend to do some shopping for me but I booked a movie ticket instead so that she, her mom and me watch a movie togethee and as her brother was in US, I wanted to be their son and movie got over she thanked and told me that her mom was so happy that we spent a good time together. I went home and I was driving and as I used to be very busy during working hours, I bought myself handsfree so that while driving I could talk to her (Talking handsfree is legally allowed). And then I cracked a joke, which didn't go well with her and made her upset, I reached my flat, She called me and we had a big fight. She told me, please yaar final kar de tu saath rehna chaahta hai ki nahi…( “finalize” if you want to be together or not.) This “final” word pinched me so hard and I shouted on her “Sali roka ho gaya aur ab final karne ko bol rahi hai” and it was a slip of tongue, I wanted to say “Sala Roka ho gaya… sala as in general not pointing to her but she thought I cursed her, within minutes I realized my mistake and apologized but it was all over(finally), next day I told everybody that I had slip of tongue and I apologized to everyone, to her mom, to my mom but the damage was done. Again series of apologies from my side but she didn't respond, then one day she told me that she will now do what her mom says and her mom called my mom again to end everything and she even called her dad in US and he became very upset. I used to call and text her mom daily to apologize but one day she asked me to stop stalking them and to leave them alone. So all was over. After few days her mom returned the engagement gifts to my mom.
She also blocked me. Now finally it was over and I couldn't even get a chance to finally say good bye to most important person of my life.
Photo Credit :- istockphoto
I used to stay with my friends and all of them got married and I moved to another place alone. For 3 months I couldn't sleep, I used to cry all night. The thing with me is that from my exoskeleton nobody can tell me what I feel. I used to go to office doing work with her in my mind all the time. She used to be in my mind always. Somedays It used to be so difficult that I messaged her but I didn't get any response. One day I received a message from her friend that I shouldn't message her and after that I tried so hard to control my self. 6 months went by and she used to be in my head all the time haunting me. I used to remember that night and wanted to go back and beat the hell out of my self when my tongue slipped.
Then one fine day I decided to get past my misery and improve myself, I started to meditate in the nights when she used to come and haunt me. I Started to be positive and started to ignore all my negative emotions. It somewhat helped me to move on and finally after 6 long long months there were nights in which I started to sleep without thinking about her and things started to improve for me.
It ain't over yet, She returns again: After 8 months of no conversation, one evening I got unblocked and I got a message from her out of the blue and after 3–4 texts, “I am getting married, I thought I should tell you”. That moment still gives me chills even when I am writing this. That moment all hope disappeared because till that moment I was still living in a hope that one day she would come back as in the past she always did come back but the greatest tragedy for a person comes when his/her hope shatters. We didn't talk much that day and I was not able to recollect my self that night. It was a very long night. I kept talking to myself. I hated myself so much that night. I lost her 8 months back but that night I lost my belief and hope. Pain doesn't end here.
Next day I again got a text from her, “I want to tell you something”. “I am getting married to m@%(#i+” and Mr. m@%(#i+ was her old boyfriend. That day I went emotion less. I hated her so much that day I hated myself so much that day. For all previous emotions I felt I still could express myself but I can't describe in words how I felt that day and then I realized about Karma. What I did to him 2 years back, the same happened to me and now he is with her and I am living alone with only her memories haunting me. Story doesn't end here. Still more pain to come.
Now she started talking to me normally, She told me all, which happened in those 8 months. She told me that her mom knew her old boy friend and her mom approached Mr. m@%(#i+ with a marriage proposal and he said Yes. I thought for 2 years Mr. m@%(#i+ remained single for giving me a dose of Karma. With so much pressure of her conservative family on her, she couldn't do anything and even after sometime her mom also realized her mistake but there was now a huge pressure on her also in a conservative joint family and thus she is getting married to him. I asked but why you are telling me all this. She then told me that she still loves me and she would not be able to love anyone but me. And then she told me that she wanted to meet me and to my utter weekness we met and I couldn't hold myself and I broke down and she also broke down. We cried for hours. There were still 15 days to go for her marriage. She told me that she dont want to get married and she would run away with me. I forgot all what I went through in those last 8 months, i didn't care about my family and I said till your marriage day, you give me one call and I will come running to your home to do whatever yoy say. One night I called her and told her that let's meet Mr. m@%(#i+ and tell him the whole story but she refrained and finally the day arrived and she got married.
She still kept messaging that she wasn't happy but my friends now used to tell me completely different story that she is too happy with m@%(#i+, even in the pics on Facebook, she seemed to be very happy, but she kept telling me how unhappy she was. I kept believing her and I told few of my friends about what happened and nobody bought this story and all of them told me that she is just playing with you now. She went to honeymoon but still kept messaging me telling me what she used to do and kept telling me that they never got close on honeymoon and she is not able to accept him. I now used to tell her that she should now try to be happy with him and then my friends used to visit me and tell me she is posting her honeymoon pics on Facebook and she is enjoying a lot. I was the most confused person on earth at that time. I was not her Facebook friend but still my friends kept telling me all the updates. I went to Nepal and days went by, she came back from honeymoon and still kept texting me and told me that she would meet me and she wanted to remain friends with me and me living a most confused life. One day I analysed everything. I thought already Karma has given me my share of pudding and still what am I doing with still keeping in touch with her. What her husband would feel if he gets to know that she was in touch with me and always telling me how unhappy she was, though all her public appearances were exactly the opposite as I was told by everyone, not just my friends. Finally I decided to break all strings and blocked her once and for all, but she still kept sending me messages through other mediums and she told me that she is messaging me because she cares so much for me and she is always worried about me and that day I felt like a victim who was getting a sympathy from her and that day onwards I never responded her messages. Last message I received from her was” I got a transfer to a new location in the south “ so that she stays alone and not with her husband to which I didn't reply, later I got to know no transfer happened.
I still choose to believe she never lied to me and was always truthful to me. I still love that girl more than anybody who was with me for those 2 years and made those years most special for me but I dont love the girl who she is today. The girl I loved became my memories and she is living in my memories with me but she is not alive in real world but she is alive in my mind. The person who is alive in real world is now a stranger, wife of someone else.
Now been 4 months since I had any contact with her. That girl, whom I still love daily give me motivation to be a better person, who still live with me in my mind pushes me to improve myself. I am working on all the things on which she wanted me to improve. I rarely miss a gym now. This girl in my mind wanted me to look better, She wanted me to do well in my career, She wants me to take care of my mom and I will get married for my mother and I will never give any other girl a chance to leave m
e again. On top of all, that stranger girl now and her husband are living in peace(I hope) because one day I chose not to be in touch with her.
Ft:- Shreeshanth, lucknow
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